Chapter Twelve
A Changed Life

Basil was as cheerful as ever as I entered the house, as were his little dogs. The pot was simmering away on the stove as always and it seemed that nothing had changed. There was a large pile of packages on the table that Basil asked me to open and put away. Each was filled with one herb or another. I wondered why he didn't have me fetch the parcels myself, but I asked no questions. I was paid well and enjoyed all that I did.

I thought about Josiah a lot as I worked. I felt something for him—inside. I’d never experienced it before, but I thought I knew what it was. I was falling in love with him. I wondered what he would think about that. I wondered if I was right about him and Zachary, or if it was just my imagination. Even if I was wrong, even if Josiah wasn’t like me, maybe he’d still understand. Being a young, gay boy was a lot like being a vampire. We both had to hide our true natures. We both had to pretend to be something we were not. We both lived in constant danger. And in both our cases, there was more to us than anyone would ever guess. For the first time in my life, I considered telling someone the truth about me. Perhaps it was time to be truthful about my feelings for Josiah as well. I knew his secret. Maybe it was time he learned mine.

Of course, I wasn’t sure I was gay. I’d been uncertain of that for a long time. It wasn’t that I was gay and was just afraid to admit it either. I was confused. Things weren’t clear-cut and black and white. The evidence was mounting, but still there was doubt. My feelings for Josiah made me pretty sure, more sure than I’d ever been. For the first time ever, I began to think of myself as most likely gay. For the first time ever, I began to refer to myself as a gay boy. I still wasn’t entirely certain, but I was pretty sure.

The two hours or so I spent at Basil's that evening were pleasant and passed quickly. It always seemed as if it were time to go almost as soon as I arrived. The shadows were lengthening as I departed and I hurried along home. I'd forgotten my fears while I was with Mr. Diggory, but they came back full force once I'd gone.

My life seemed almost too fantastic to believe. If I told anyone I needed to hurry home for fear of vampires they'd probably have locked me up somewhere, and yet it was true. I didn't like the threat of maiming and death hanging over my head, but my life was definitely a lot more interesting than it had ever been in the past.

***

Kelly was always asking questions about Josiah, questions I was often reluctant to answer. I decided that the time had come to let her get her own answers. As we were leaving the line at lunch, I invited her to join me and sit with Josiah.

As we neared, I thought that maybe I should have asked him first, but he didn't seem to mind Kelly's presence. I'd told him a bit about her before and he knew she was one of my few friends, my only friend really. Kelly's eyes were on Josiah almost all the time. I knew she had a bit of a crush on him, well more than a bit. It probably wasn't wise to encourage that, especially not if what I suspected was true. If Josiah wasn’t interested in girls, then Kelly’s crush sure couldn’t go anywhere. I hoped that was the case. I didn’t really need to worry either way. If he did like girls, then he wouldn’t be interested in me as anything more than a friend. If he liked boys, then I didn’t have to worry about being in competition with Kelly. I guess the only problem would be that he might like both. I didn’t let myself think about it too much. It was a whole new line of thought for me anyway. I hadn’t been thinking, in that way, about anyone until recently, not until Josiah came along.

I’d told Kelly that Josiah had been harassing me, back when I thought he was dangerous. After I’d learned the truth, I’d managed to explain that it was all a big misunderstanding, without telling her anything I didn’t want her to know. Kelly believed me. She always believed me. I felt very guilty for having lied in the first place, but I’d done it with good reason.

We ate and laughed and talked. It was good to see Josiah laugh. Despite his incredible abilities, I felt sorry for him. I couldn't imagine how painful it must be to be so very alone. I knew that he must always feel different from everyone else—an outsider. Josiah was my friend, so I worked very hard to make him feel that he belonged. It seemed to be working. Sitting there, he looked like any other fifteen-year-old boy. It was the first time ever than he seemed to really fit in.

Bry passed as we sat there and looked at us in hatred and fear. Well, he looked at Josiah in hatred and fear. I knew he didn't fear me. When he looked at me, Bry just looked hungry. I felt like a fool for being so taken in by him. I couldn't believe he'd actually been able to manipulate me into helping him try to destroy Josiah. What if we'd succeeded? I'd have killed my best friend, and would have been killed myself, or turned into a horrible creature like Bry, that fed on the pain and blood of others. I shuddered just thinking about it.

I forced it out of my mind. It was difficult to carry on a normal conversation while I was thinking such thoughts. It was hard not to think them, however. I'd come to the brink of disaster and only Josiah had pulled me back.

I gazed at Josiah as he sat there across from me. Was there really any doubt about my feelings for him? Whenever I was near him, I felt drawn to him and got this weird, but not unpleasant feeling in my chest. My arms ached to hold him. As I sat there, I pictured holding Josiah close and pressing my lips to his… My last doubts were erased. Yes, I was a gay boy. My feelings for Josiah made that clear. I was drawn to him and it wasn’t just the desire for a friend. I loved him. My body responded to him. I yearned for him.

I realized I was dreamily staring at Josiah. He didn’t seem to notice and that was a relief. I turned my head to the side and my eyes met those of Kelly. Her gaze was level and she smiled slightly. I swallowed hard and my eyes grew a bit wider. We sat there and looked at each other. In my heart I could feel it; she knew.

I grew uncomfortable and wolfed down the last of my banana pudding. I beat a hasty retreat, my face reddening with embarrassment.

I avoided Kelly after lunch, but she caught up with me just after school. I was stuffing books in my locker, hoping to get away without talking to her, but there she was, heading my way. There was no time to escape. I felt like a cornered beast. My eyes darted nervously about as she bore down upon me. I felt panic rising in my gut.

“Will you walk me home, Graham?” she asked.

I swallowed hard as I had at lunch.

“I… I, um…”

“We need to talk, Graham.” Kelly leaned in closely and whispered to me, smiling, “It’s going to be okay, Graham. I’m happy for you.”

I felt like my face just might be on fire, but I nodded my head and we strolled out of the school. Neither of us said a word for the longest time. I just couldn’t make any words come out, and besides, there were too many kids around. When at last we were alone, Kelly spoke.

“You really like Josiah, don’t you, Graham?”

“Yeah,” I admitted, “he’s a cool guy. We’re friends.” My chest swelled with those words. I felt proud to have such a friend.

“Yes, but it’s more than that, isn’t it?” Kelly gave me a sideways glance. I didn’t answer. I ducked my head a little, embarrassed.

“Graham, do you… do you like boys?”

I jerked my head up. I felt panicky and fearful.

“It’s okay if you do, Graham. It doesn’t matter to me whether you like girls or boys. I just want you to be happy.”

“Am I… like, obvious?” I asked, finally. “Do I seem… gay?”

“No, you don’t seem gay. It’s just that you’ve never been interested in girls. Mainly, it’s the way you look at Josiah—with love in your eyes.”

I turned my head to Kelly and bit my lip. I felt joy and sadness at the same moment. I wanted to both laugh and cry.

“I do love him,” I said, barely above a whisper. I ducked my head again.

Kelly stopped and took my face in her hands.

“Don’t be embarrassed, Graham. I think it’s wonderful. I’m so happy that you’ve found someone.”

“Well, I don’t know if he’s interested in me, especially in… that way,” I said.

“I think he might be,” said Kelly, pinching my cheek.

“Really?”

“Well, I can’t be sure, but I’ve just got this feeling.”

“Oh, how I wish he was!” I said. I couldn’t believe I was talking so openly about how I felt about another boy.

“There’s one way to find out.”

“How?”

“Ask him.”

“I couldn’t do that!”

“Then how are you ever gonna know?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t just ask. What if he says ‘no’, or gets mad or somethin’? Guys can get pretty bent out of shape over somethin’ like that.”

“I’d give it some serious thought if I were you,” said Kelly.

I nodded. We kept walking and talking and the words came easier. Kelly’s total acceptance of me made it easier to talk about things I never thought I’d discuss with anyone. She made me feel loved and secure. Not only that, she loved the real me, not the one that everyone else saw. Kelly gave me hope and courage, maybe someday I could tell Josiah how I felt about him.

I thought about what she’d said after I dropped her off at her house. I thought about it all evening and night. I thought about it so much I thought my head might explode. I wanted to tell Josiah what was in my heart—I just didn’t know if I’d ever have the courage.

***

Despite the fear hanging over my head, the next days were the most wonderful in my life. I spent a great deal of time with Josiah and we had a marvelous time. He didn't have to hide what he was around me and I think he enjoyed that a great deal. I enjoyed having another boy for a friend. For the first time in my life I had someone to do guy stuff with. Kelly was great, but she wasn't much interested in wrestling, or climbing trees, or playing basketball, or video games, or just doing something simple like skipping rocks across a pond. Josiah was into all that stuff. I was beginning to think of us as Tom and Huck again.

I don't know if two friends ever enjoyed each other as much as Josiah and I did. I'd never had a friend like him and he hadn't had one in a very, very long time either. I'd gone without a boy as my friend my entire life, but Josiah had gone without one far, far longer than that. I couldn't imagine lacking such friendship for all those years.

I was amazed at some of Josiah's abilities. One day after school, we explored the weight room where all the football jocks worked out. We saw a really muscular boy doing the bench press with 200 pounds. I could tell it was a strain for him, but he lifted it ten times in a row. We watched as his muscles bulged with the effort. He looked so fine. Just looking at his muscles made me breathe a little harder. After he left, and we were alone in the room, I had Josiah show me how much weight he could lift. To my amazement, he moved the weight all the way up to the maximum of 500 pounds. He lie down on the bench and lifted it with ease. He did it ten times, then went on. He didn’t look anywhere near as built as that football player, but he was lifting twice the weight and it looked like he could go on forever.

When we were playing catch, I got an idea. I got an old ball and asked Josiah to throw it as far as he could. After what he'd done in the weight room, I just had to see how far he could throw. I watched as he whipped the ball into the air. It just kept arcing through the air until it grew so small I couldn't see it anymore. Josiah was like Superman or something.

"It must be hard to hide what you can do,” I said.

"Yeah, it really is,” said Josiah, grinning. “One advantage of living forever is that there's plenty of time to practice. You wouldn't believe how many times I've played football, and soccer, and baseball, and everything else. Sometimes it's hard to hold back. I mean, when I play football, I can score a touchdown every time. Sometimes I'd love to just cut loose and do what I can do."

When he looked at me just then, his eyes sparkled. Josiah was changing. Before he'd been unhappy, but now he loved life. I was glad to see that change, and felt very good because I knew I was the one who'd made it happen.

Despite my happiness, I was troubled too. Josiah no longer needed to hide his true nature around me, but I still hid the real me from him. I yearned to tell him the truth, but I feared risking my only friendship with another boy.

“Out with it,” said Josiah.

“Out with what?”

“It’s back again, that look on your face. Every time we start to really have fun together, it shows up. Something is hurting you, Graham. Tell me what it is and maybe I can help.”

I looked at him. I had no idea my thoughts showed so clearly on my face. I wanted to tell Josiah everything, but I was afraid. What if I confessed my darkest secrets and Josiah hated me for it? What if I lost him, just when everything was going so well?

I just stood there silent for a few moments, feeling the wind on my face, listening to the birds chirping in the near distance, smelling the newly mown grass at our feet. Everything was so perfect I didn’t want to ruin it. I didn’t want anything to change. Then again, I wanted things to change with Josiah, if they’d go my way. I wanted Josiah to be my boyfriend.

“I’m afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

“I’ve been around for a long time, Graham, there isn’t much I can’t understand.”

“I’m just afraid… I’m afraid you won’t like me, if I tell you about me.”

“Graham, I like you. Nothing is going to change that. Come on. Let me help you.”

“I’m gay!” I blurted it out before fear had a chance to silence me. I wanted to say more, but I my courage failed. I looked at Josiah in fear. I was actually more afraid at that moment than I was at any time in the past, and that was saying something.

“Awesome,” said Josiah.

I just looked at him for a moment, my eyes wide and my mouth gaping. Had he really said what I thought he did? I heard the word plainly enough, but it was the last word I expected to hear.

“Awesome?” I asked.

“Yeah, awesome, as in great, fantastic, wonderful.” Josiah was smiling at me.

“You don’t mind?”

“Do I sound like I mind?”

“Well, no.”

“Well, then, you have your answer.”

I was shocked into silence. I’d pictured a hundred different possibilities and this wasn’t one of them. I felt as if the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. Even knowing that Bry was out to get me didn’t seem important anymore. I’d never felt so free. I very nearly told Josiah how I felt about him, but I didn’t want to push it. I also came close to asking Josiah if he was gay too, but it just didn’t seem the right time. No matter. I’d just revealed my deepest, most closely kept secret to Josiah and he still liked me! I smiled from ear to ear. I did something I’d never done before too, I hugged Josiah. He hugged me back. It was the most wonderful feeling in the entire world.

***

Josiah met me at the end of Mr. Diggory's lane every day after work. I knew he was there to watch over me, but he was also there just to be with me. Almost overnight, we’d become great friends. Josiah was at my house all the time. My days of being a lonely boy were over. My grades improved dramatically too, because Josiah was helping me study. I realized just how brilliant he was as he helped me through difficult subjects.

"You've read every book, haven't you?" I asked him one evening while he was helping me with a social studies assignment.

"Well, not every book, but a lot of them."

"How many, do you think?"

"Um, I don’t know really. Thousands at least."

Having a friend who had been around for centuries was definitely a big help when it came to social studies. Josiah looked fifteen, but he’d been around for ages. I don’t think I truly grasped that fact until I had to do an essay on the Battle of Gettysburg, explaining what I thought it was like for the soldiers who fought there.

"Good job,” said Josiah after he’d read my essay, “It’s well written and descriptive, but you need to mention how terrifying it was with the bullets whizzing through the air, all around, killing others so near you could hear the bullet going in. And the cannons, walking into the cannons as they fired, so many of them, all pouring forth smoke and flame and death. And the stench…sometimes it was unbearable."

I was gazing at him as he spoke.

"You were there? Weren't you?" I asked him.

"Yes. I was there. I was too young to fight, but I was a Union drummer boy… The Confederates were using boys as young as me, and younger, to fight in battles, but the Union didn’t do that so much. I know boys my age were fighting on both sides, but I didn’t really want to fight. I didn’t want to kill anyone. Still, it was hard not to be a part of things, and so I became a drummer boy…"

I listened with rapt attention as Josiah told me what it was really like. I'd always thought battles were glorious and somehow romantic, but I quickly learned they were terrible and tragic. Josiah made it all so clear for me that I felt as if I were there. I completely rewrote my essay. I got an A+ on it too.

***

“Graham, your father and I need to speak with you,” said Mom after I’d returned from Mr. Diggory’s. Josiah was with me, as usual. Mom looked at him a bit suspiciously. It made both of us uncomfortable.

“Um… I’d better be going,” said Josiah.

“Okay… Well, see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, bye, Graham.”

Mom watched Josiah leave; her face grim.

I followed Mom into the living room. She took a seat on the couch next to Dad. I sat across from them, wondering what was up. I just sat there looking at them.

“We’d like you to explain this,” said my dad, opening one of my notebooks to reveal an entire page covered with the name “Josiah”, most of them inside little hearts. I gulped and my heart lurched in my chest.

“I… uh…” I didn’t know what to say. I was so embarrassed I wanted to sink into the couch and disappear.

“Are you gay, Graham?” asked my dad.

A million thoughts ripped through my head in an instant. I don’t want my parents to know I’m gay. Dad’s gonna kill me. Why didn’t I keep my notebook hidden? Are they still going to love me if I tell them the truth? Can I just lie my way outta this? How am I going to explain the notebook? Maybe I can say it’s Kelly’s, but it’s in my handwriting. I don’t want to live a lie. I want to be proud of myself. What if they won’t let me see Josiah anymore? Is Dad gonna hit me? Maybe I can just die right now and not have to deal with this. I wish I could just disappear or become invisible. I’m not going to be a coward—I’m gonna tell ‘em.

“Yes,” I said finally. I couldn’t believe I’d said it, but I said it. Oh my God, I just told my parents I’m gay!

Mom looked stricken, like maybe I’d just announced that I had cancer or something. Dad was angry.

“You’re too young to know if you’re gay or not,” he stated flatly.

“Then why did you ask me?” I said.

“I will not have a gay son!”

“Well, you’ve got one, Dad—me!” I couldn’t believe I had the balls to say that, or to raise my voice to my father. He slapped my face and tears stung my eyes.

“Alex!” yelled my mom, clearly shaken that Dad had slapped me.

“What have you been doing with that boy?” asked Dad, angrily.

“Nothing!” I said.

“Don’t lie to me!”

“We don’t do anything. We just hang out. We run and play basketball and stuff. He helps me study.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he studies you. How old is he, Graham? Fifteen? Sixteen?”

“He’s fifteen.”

“He’s brainwashed you, hasn’t he? What’s he been doing to you, Graham?”

“Nothing! He’s not been doing anything to me!”

Dad put his hands on my shoulders, “I want you to tell me the truth, Graham. Have the two of you had sex?”

“Dad!”

“Answer me.”

“No! We haven’t done anything like that. Josiah doesn’t even know I’m in love with him!”

“Do NOT say that!”

“Why not? It’s true!” I simply couldn’t believe I had the balls to stand up to my father like that. I never thought I’d be able to do that, not ever.

Dad slapped my face again, hard. It was an open hand slap, but it stung.

“It’s not true! You are not a queer! I won’t let you be a queer!”

“I’m gay!”
Dad slapped my face again.

“Alex! Stop it!” said my mom. Dad hitting me had snapped her out of her shock.

“Go pack a bag,” said Dad. Tears welled up in my eyes. This was it. They were gonna kick me out.

“Why?”

“We’re going to get you some help. There are places where they can undo whatever it is that boy’s done to you.”

“No!”

“Now, Graham!”

I just stood there, horrified. I’d heard of those places he was talking about. I didn’t know much about them at all, but I imagined it was like being sent to Hell.

“Go!”

I turned on my heel and walked upstairs, trembling. I packed a backpack like Dad said, but I sure as hell wasn’t going where he planned to take me. No way! Dad looked in on me and seemed satisfied that I was doing what I was told. I packed up a good supply of clothes, all the money I could find, a couple of books, deodorant, soap, a washcloth and towel, my tooth brush and tooth paste, everything I could think of that I might need. Mom came into the room while I was packing.

“Honey,” she said, mussing my hair. I pulled away from her.

“Your father’s just angry now. He’s sorry he hit you. He won’t do it again. He’s just worried, Graham. We just want to help you through this.”

“Then accept me for what I am,” I said. “Love me.”

“We do love you, Graham.”

“So you’re sending me away?” There was a lump in my throat. Despite what Mom was saying, I felt like my parents didn’t love me.

“Just for a little while. Everything’s going to be fine. You’ll see. Your father has already found a nice place where they’ll help you, down in Kentucky. It’s called The Cloverdale Center. They help boys and girls like you all the time. You’ll like it there.”

How did she know what that place was like? She’d never even heard of it until a few minutes ago. I was sure it was a place I didn’t want to be. I was NOT going. I had to save myself, so for the time being, I held my tongue and pretended to cooperate. Mom ruffled my hair and I let her.
“Come down for supper, Graham. It’s too late to take you now, so we’ll have supper, get a good nights sleep, then we’ll check this place out in the morning. You’ll see, Graham. Everything’s going to be okay.”

She talked like she really meant it. Maybe she did, but she sure didn’t know what she was talking about. I wasn’t going to let some shrink get his hands on me and screw with my head. I didn’t know much about such places, but I’d heard they were bad. Billy Durex had been sent there last year, rumor was because he was gay. No one had seen Billy since and his family hadn’t moved. No way was I going in there.

I nodded at my mom and followed her downstairs. I sat down to supper with my parents, but I felt like I was eating with strangers. I stuffed myself. I ate until I was ready to explode. I knew I might not get regular meals for who knew how long.

After supper, I sat in my room and did homework as if all was well. I made sure I had everything packed that I might possibly need, right down to some loose change I kept in the bottom of one of my dresser drawers.

My mom tucked me in for the night and turned out my light. I lay there until I was sure that she and Dad were asleep, then I crept out of the bed, grabbed my backpack, and climbed out the window. I noiselessly slipped to the ground, put my pack on my shoulders, and double-checked to make sure I had the little bag of lemon balm around my neck. I’d already decided where I’d hide. I set out for the Forest Grove Amusement Park.

I hurried along. I felt vulnerable out in the open. Bry was out there somewhere and so were the twins and who knew how many others. Even if they weren’t looking for me, I didn’t want to risk a chance meeting. I was no match for a vampire. I thought that maybe I should go to Josiah, instead of hiding out in the amusement park. I didn’t feel right about it, though. Maybe I would go to him after I got everything sorted out, but for now I just needed to get away from home and decide on my next move.

The sudden uncertainty of my life frightened me. Never before had I been homeless. I’d always gotten up in the morning, had breakfast, then gone to school. In the afternoon, I’d come home, do whatever, then go to bed and get up the next day. I worked for Basil and sometimes I went out for fun, but everything in my life had been stable. I knew where I’d be the next day, the next week, the next year. Now all that was gone. I couldn’t go back home. My parents wanted to send me to that awful place. I didn’t really have anywhere else to go, though. I was thirteen and definitely wasn’t ready to make my own way in the world. I made good money working for Mr. Diggory, but how far would that go when I had to pay for food and clothes and all that?

My lower lip trembled as I realized I couldn’t work for Basil anymore. My parents knew I worked for him and they’d go there looking for me. I couldn’t even go to school again. Mom and Dad would surely show up there when they discovered I was missing. I felt lost and alone. I was shaking with fear and it wasn’t just because there were vampires about. Let’s just get to Forest Grove, Graham, and settle in, then we’ll work it all out, I thought to myself.

I didn’t get my flashlight out until I was walking around the outside of the fence, trying to find the opening near the back once again. I slipped through the opening and entered Forest Grove, my new home. The clouds rolled in and deepened the darkness. It began to sprinkle rain as I passed the drink stand and the bench where I’d sat not so many days ago. I passed the funnel cake stand and the Tilt-A-Whirl. Not so distant lightning rent the sky, shattering the darkness with brilliant light. I followed the path uphill, passing the little Indian canoe ride for kids and the big open-air Mexican restaurant. It all looked so eerie, deserted, and dark. I remembered Forest Grove as a place of sunshine and laughter. Now it was all darkness and desolation. On my left were the bumper cars, as still and silent as the rest of the park. I followed the path to my right, walking between the carnival games on my right and the space where the spider ride had been to my left. Straight on was the old gift shop. I quickened my pace as the rain came down harder and the wind began to blow. The doors to the gift shop were locked, of course, but I managed to pry open a window.

It was dark inside, no surprise there, but what did astound me was the fact that the gift shop was still stocked just as it had been when I’d been there so long ago. The beam of my flashlight revealed racks of dusty Forest Grove t-shirts, souvenir cups, plates, and trays. There was a rotating rack of postcards on the counter, next to jars of moldy candy and Forest Grove buttons and pencils. The place looked untouched; I wondered why it hadn’t been looted. It sure wasn’t too hard for me to break in.

The counter formed a large square near the center of the shop. I pushed open the swinging half-door and put my backpack down inside. There was carpet on the floor and I felt secure in that small space. The wind and rain raged outside, but I was warm and dry. It was almost comfy in there.

The gift shop was a good place to hide. No one would suspect I’d be hiding out in Forest Grove. If Bry was looking for me, he’d be hanging around my house or the route I traveled to school. He wouldn’t think to look on the opposite side of town in an abandoned amusement park. My parents weren’t likely to look for me there either, but I wasn’t taking any chances. I intended to stay well out of sight.

I made myself a little bed on the floor with the sleeping bag I’d carried along. Tomorrow was a school day, but I wouldn’t be going, so I could sleep in as long as I wanted. Oddly enough, I already missed school. I missed my old life. I’d always thought my life sucked, but now that it was gone, it didn’t seem so bad after all.

I clutched the bag of lemon balm hanging around my neck tightly and fell asleep listening to the wind whipping the rain around outside.

***

I awakened with the morning light peeking through the dirty windows of the gift shop. A quick glance at my watch told me it was a little after nine. My parents knew I was gone by now and were no doubt looking for me. I was a wanted man now. I figured I was reasonably safe from detection as long as I didn’t leave the park, but I was still uneasy.

I stretched and pulled a chewy granola bar out of my backpack for breakfast. After gobbling it down, I went outside and sat on a bench looking in the direction of the bumper cars and the bumper boat pool across from them. I sat there and had a good long think about my future. I was definitely in a fix. I couldn’t stick around too long or I’d be found, but I didn’t want to run away either. I’d seen news stories about what happened to runaways. I’d end up in some big city somewhere, probably selling myself for something to eat. I didn’t want that kind of life. Besides, I knew I wasn’t tough enough to make it in the big, bad world. The main reason I didn’t want to leave was Josiah. He was the only guy friend I’d ever had and I didn’t want to lose him. More than that, I was in love with him; the idea of parting was just unthinkable.

But how could I stay? If I did, my parents would cart me away to that center and they’d mess with my mind. Who knew what I’d be like when I came back, and would I even come back? Even if that place was on the up and up, I didn’t want to change. I wanted to be me. Being gay was a part of what I was and to change that would be to destroy the boy that I was. I was sure it wasn’t on the up and up, however. If I went in there they’d probably torture me or something. I didn’t like pain.

I wished Josiah was with me. He’d know what to do. I probably should’ve gone straight to him instead of coming to the park, but I needed to sort things out. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like Josiah was my only salvation. With his help, I could get away and I’d be with him too. Maybe it’d be like it was with Josiah and Zac. We could travel the world together and see and do all kinds of incredible things. Best of all, I’d be with him always. I loved him and I already missed him.

I wanted to go and see Josiah that very moment, but he’d be in school. I wondered what he’d think when I didn’t show up for lunch. Would he just suspect I was sick or something, or would he come looking for me? I couldn’t risk going to school to see him. They’d be looking for me there. I didn’t dare go into town at all. The cops were no doubt searching for me and, at the very least, my parents would be looking around. I quickly made up my mind to go to Josiah, but it would have to wait until dark. I couldn’t risk anyone spotting me. All I could do was wait until night. I didn’t like the idea of going out at night, the most dangerous time I could pick with vampires on the prowl, but I had no choice but to seek the cover of darkness. At nightfall I’d be on my way, but until then I dared not leave the park.